Dream Of The Intimate Terrorist

Alone now in my distance
I can still see the flames
The panic is now muted
The film now tapering frames

Some shuddering silhouettes
Surround the burning cage
Were you trapped inside tonight or
Did you manage to escape?

Here now slumps the desperate man
Who you wanted to see grow
With petrol stains marking his shirt
From dousing your family home

How could it have come to this?
What is it I should have known?
I thought my anger would disperse
Like a slowly, fading drone

But instead, my soul was transported
To a creature flying low
That witnessed as my body subverted
Against a moral code

I came to feeling breathless
And the benzene hit my nose
Stimulating flashbacks of
A story that cannot be so

I feel a tugging on my hand
Relentless, but barely there
I try so hard to ignore the boy
For the promise in his stare

And then my mother’s whisper
Looped a labyrinthian thread
I only wanted you safe and well
And a life of happiness

Turning to the starless sky
To find my Father’s face
Desperate for His disapproval
And desperate for His grace

I curl my nails into my palms
As I pretend that I have won
I start to run away again
Frightened, lost, and fallen


    - c.h. 20th February 2020